By Emete Smart - 05:37

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 It is part of life to get attached to things we think are beneficial to us in the course of living our lives here on earth. Most of us get attached to material things like makeup, clothing, accessories, cars, places & ideas and so on while some of us get attached to our relationships. Of course getting attached is a part of life no doubt about that but how can we detach ourselves from these attachments. Remember that life is a cycle of holding on and letting go. What are you so attached to that you can’t see clearly, or act clearly? Understanding the concept that life evolves and we lose to gain is really taunting for others to see. However, we are going to focus on one of these temporary things which are ‘RELATIONSHIPS’.

First we must understand the difference between having a connection with someone which is a fair thing and getting entangled to someone which is totally different. When we get connected with someone, we become part of their life and they become part of us. We start feeling what they feel and go through, thoughts, happiness, sorrows etc. but when we get entangled with someone because maybe we feel we can’t do without them or we need them to achieve a great thing, that’s how most of us lose our perspective and focus in life. Attachment drives us to a state of need which is not very healthy. What if, what if life or the person you felt so attached with broke that so called entanglement you thought you had? Then you’ll start feeling as if your whole world is crumbling. Once we believe we need someone in order to be happy, we become vulnerable to the object we so desire.

Remember Samson in the bible and how he FELL to the Philippines all because he failed to realize he was getting attached with the wrong person. When we let go, we are releasing the conditional love that comes with attachment so that we can love unconditionally, being okay with whatever life throws our way. When we live with non-attachment, we learn to go with the flow more easily. Once we start getting attached to someone our perspective changes and we start feeling as if our life revolves around that person. We start feeling as if we need that person in order to be happy whereas it is not always like that. Understanding that the key to your own happiness is not anything outside yourself is all that matters.

Getting attached to someone who is not that into you can be really denting especially to our emotional state and causes a whole lot of insecurity in the future. As the attachment grows, so does the fear of losing that person becomes really tormenting. Be it a sex kind of relationship, or whatever your relationship is based on. Having on the back of your mind that your relationship right now might not be long lasting can be really helpful. It gives you a Sense of Sharpness that of course anything can happen. If eventually your partner moves on and finds someone else to replace you, you won’t be at the losing side of the whole circumstance of the situation.

That sense of sharpness which should be clarified is our state of being bold and overcoming our fears. The moment we start being afraid of losing our attachments we become more vulnerable, hyper focused, obsessed, controlling, domineering, insecure, clingy and often addicted to the person we got so attached to and all these feelings all in a desperate attempt to protect our attachment. Once we become so attached in such a manner we become spineless and out of balance. None of these gets us to be happy and have a healthy relationship. The good thing about this is that all these demerits of getting attached are a choice that can be avoided.

We can always avoid this by living with non-attachment. Letting go does not mean we have to break our relationship ties, stop loving or shutting doors to our dreams. It does not mean disconnecting with loved ones and never connecting with another again. Rather it means releasing your relentless need of the relationship thing or idea; it means accepting things as they are, knowing that everything changes with time, nothing is permanent and everything within the inner circle of this domain we call earth is only temporary in Life. It means letting go of the details and trusting yourself and the universe. Being detached does not prevent you from having a healthy and passionate relationship, no. It allows you to have those experiences.

Allows you to be able to see more clearly and be more objective and also focus and operate at a higher level of productivity. Once we release those enchantments of entanglements we can make a decision based on wisdom and love. We all have attachments, so beware of any attachment in your life and aware of what you need to detach yourself from as soon as possible. Make yourself grow by learning to do things by yourself not depending on others at all especially when it comes to happiness.

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  1. I can agree with most of what you said. Being too attached can cloud our vision. But it's not always healthy to avoid all meaningful relationships. As humans, God created as us social creatures. So the need for relationship is innate. Some relationships require attachment, for example the cleaving of husband to wife. Nice write up though. Much enjoyed.


    1. You're very correct! Burgy is glad you enjoyed it. More to come from him!