By Emete Smart - 14:04

After school, years go by and you're yet to settle down, age is not really on your side (as people like to say) and your family is putting all the pressure in the world on you. At the slightest thing, they try to remind you that you're very single and still eating their food, worst still, living under their roof at such an age. They make being single seem like a taboo. Then, it crosses your mind. Ladies, get in here! To live alone or not?

Personally, I've always wanted to live alone. So when I got the opportunity in the University, I was super glad. And even after school, I tried to live alone during NYSC but my parents wouldn't let me. I came to the conclusion that as a lady in my house, it is from father's house to husband's house. There's nothing like 'I am independent and I want to live alone'. My parents don't understand that language. Lol.

Then my sister's issue came up. She's been living with my elder brother for years and he finally decided to pack out to a new apartment. He's still very single o. My parents didn't have any objection to his living alone. However, they had a serious objection this time around and it centered on my sister.

'Your sister is not yet married. If you leave the house, where will she stay? She's a girl. She can't live alone'

My brother wasn't having any of that. To him, she was mature enough to stay on her own and he couldn't understand why they weren't seeing that. But as we all know, parents would always be parents, especially to the female child. To them, marriage is a big accomplishment and a step a lady must never skip. Seeing that my brother can move out at any time, the pressure on her to marry is now high. Thankfully, she has a fiance and neither of them are rushing to tie the knot. But my parents are the ones putting massive pressure on them now. African Parents sha!

Away from all that, let's talk about living alone. The first question I would ask if I were to live alone as a lady is - is it safe? Safety is of great importance and necessity. Where am I packing to? Is the area safe? What is my mode of transportation? Do i have a personal car or na legedisbenz ministry? Would I be coming home in the night? Is it safe to get home in the night in such area? Would I have neighbors or its a lone apartment? To me, safety is number one and cannot be overlooked. If after listing all these out and as little as one box is unticked, i'll stay back at my parent's house. Why? Because the world and society is more harsh when it comes to dealing with women. And its the same thing I would tell any lady who is contemplating this decision. It is safety first before even thinking of cost or anything else. I've heard too many stories of ladies who lived alone and were taken advantage of or raped or worst still, murdered. Being a lady living alone, you're viewed as weak and having no one to support you. So, safety first.

Another thing I'll also look at after safety is the cost of living. How cheap or expensive is it to live alone? Living alone, it has to be in a well-furnished and of course, secure apartment. All the spending you'll do just to move in and the spending you'll do after you've moved in. Can your salary or the profit from your business sustain it? If yes, go for it. If no, maybe try a smaller place or still stay back at your parent's house.

I think Safety and the Cost of Living are the two most important metrics to consider when deciding to stay alone as a lady. And no, you shouldn't be scared that

'Oh, guys might not find me attractive because I stay alone'

That's a big lie. Any guy that is intimidated by your independence is a total fraud and of course, a NO NO. Two other things I would mention - reason and roommate/flatmate. Talking of reason, you have to be very sure that you have a valid reason for deciding to stay alone. Staying with our parents could come as very cheap if you ask me. However, if the see finish and abuse is getting overboard and no one wants to change, its a valid reason to move out. Girl, you need air to blow your brain for a moment biko. Also, the idea of having someone to share your flat with is never a bad idea. Aside from enabling you split the cost of so many things, it would be great fun to have someone to gist with after a long day.

And what of having 2 roommates or even 3? I know 3 is a crowd but hey, it would be so much fun. There would be a lot of shouting and noise-making in your apartment but look on the bright side of things - the split cost, the split cooking and the fun that comes with having people around. Even if someone is fighting with you, there would still be someone who would be available to keep your company.

Regardless, you should DO YOU. Take into consideration all these factors and if you choose to live alone as a lady, you are more than worthy. No sane man would be scared of your decision, instead, he should respect you more for having a sense of independence and worth. Let me know what you think in the comment section below. 

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  1. Aside safety issue, staying alone is bliss. I stayed alone after service year because my parents house was far from work. Ogun state to Lagos state every day, I wan die, I have catarrh all the time because of the stress so I had to rent a place. I got an apartment in the almighty Mushin, I was even staying alone on my floor, you know Lagos houses na, dey build houses and shops together. My apartment was attached to four shops so when every seller is closed for the day na only me and God remain for that floor.
    I was very conserved in that area, from work to church, from church straight inside. I don't go outside to do anything. I make sure I don't stay out late. But I make sure I made friends just for people to know I exist in that area.
    The interesting part was I had my space to myself, there was no daddy and mummy to run to, I became independent, I think well before making decisions because I know I'm all alone, I buy and cook whatever I want without anyone saying I'm wasting money, sometimes on Sundays I take myself out. And I had more access to my relationship than when I was with my parents, I discovered who I was during this time. I just had this peace of mind, I enjoyed my own company, its one of the best decision I made during my single days. Sometimes I get so scared and regret staying when those touts starts their fight in the midnight but when morning comes I forget all of it. Not every one can stay alone oooo.