5 THINGS MARRIED PEOPLE WON'T TELL US + A BONUS

By Emete Smart - 06:04


Oh, the euphoria of being married! Basically almost everyone looks forward to the day they will finally be joined together in holy matrimony with the love of their life. A day of bliss and joy. It's expected to be a day of happiness. It's one day almost everyone cannot wait to experience. And when the day finally comes and the real deal starts - the marriage - as my people go say, 'their eyes go tear'. All the cobwebs of love would be removed almost immediately and this is when people would realize that Love indeed was never blind.

People in this beautiful institution always tend to act all happy and excited and when you ask for marital advise, they are always mostly about the positives. However, there are some things this people won't tell us for a variety of reasons. Either because they want us to enter and see it for ourselves or because they can't just tell. Below are the 5 things married people won't tell us and as usual, there's a bonus point below. Enjoy!

THE SACRIFICES OUTWEIGHS THE REWARDS

Every married person is looking all fancy but inside, you really don't know what they are facing or experiencing, either good or bad. If you lived with both parents from birth till adulthood, you should have an idea of the fact that in marriage most times, the sacrifices often outweighs the rewards for even sacrificing in the first place. Depending on the partner, some never get rewarded for their sacrifices at all. There are a million and one things married people sacrifice. Some have to sacrifice their jobs (especially the woman), some have to sacrifice their social life (chai, unfortunate!), some have to sacrifice their luxurious lifestyle (Dubai today, Fancy clothes tomorrow), some have to sacrifice their time, some have to sacrifice their hobbies and so many other things. Married people basically do not own themselves anymore. It is now 1 + 1 =1. And because of this harsh reality and realization, many people find out they cannot cope and try to overturn things. When things can't be overturned, they tend to opt out of the marriage or live as total strangers in the same house. Quite unfortunate!

However, people who marry good and understanding partners who tend to consider the other person's happiness firstly before theirs tend to also make sacrifices but get almost instant rewards for it. So the truth is both happily and sadly married couples have to give up a lot of things but the difference is in how well rewarded they get for it. This determines a whole lot of things. This only goes to say that if you are about getting married, get used to the fact that you are going to be making a whole lot of sacrifices forever with this person.

WORK OVER LOVE

I'm not talking about working in an office or organisation. I'm talking about working towards making the marriage work. Most married people would say Love is key. Love your partner and all that but they deep down know that Love has never really been enough. Love without works is virtually dead. No matter how much you love the person, you have to have the strength to put in 100% work to make the whole thing stand! There are so many habits and issues your partner would bring to your notice, if you do not work towards making yourself better, there would be a whole lot of problem and love may never save the day. The people who got divorced used to be so much in love but when someone stopped working, the love began to fade. And yes, lack of work could slowly fade any feeling of love. So when you see people who used to be in love not able to stand each other again, you can guess what might have happened.

Love is very important but work is overimportanter.

KIDS CHANGE EVERYTHING

This is a sad reality. This is why many men are of the opinion that they would prefer kids to come later while they enjoy their wives and marriage in the beginning because kids change everything. Children are basically bundles of joy. If you have a very understanding partner, kids coming in should only enhance the marriage but the unfortunate truth in our world is that most times, kids could bring about an entire new start of things. Most women tend to take away the love, affection and attention from their husbands to their kids. They are all about their kids which makes the marriage suffer. It should instead be balanced. What about the financial sacrifice that would have to go into training these kids? What about the sleep sacrifice, having to look after and take care of them for the early part of their lives? Most partners tend to disagree on how to raise their children and this could be a major bone of contention. And when the husband isn't helping as much with the children, this could frustrate the woman. Kids literally change everything.

MONEY IS A BIG DEAL

You would not realize how much you love money till you're married. You would not realize how much you can be selfish with money till you are married. Money is one of the pillars of marriage. So if you are married to a lavish spender or a stingy person, there might be a whole lot of problem in the long run. Couples have a lot of fights about what to do with money, investment options and how to spend. Some men get irritated when they see their wives spending on material things. They feel it is a total waste of money. There could be a lot of disagreement on what to invest in. One person sees real estate as a good option, the other is skeptical about it and wants the money to go into starting a school. There would be serious problem if no one is agreeing with the other. And what of those who run a joint account? Any little debit could spark serious arguments

'Why the heck did you withdraw money from the account without my permission? What did you use it to do? This and that'

It is no brainer that many men often decide to borrow loans from banks or friends to start businesses or buy houses or cars. What if he's married to a woman who hates the idea of borrowing and has a major phobia for debts? They would spend long nights having really long arguments. What of having to decide who buys what in the house? Some women are of the opinion that their money is theirs alone and can therefore not contribute to buying stuffs in the house. This is a big problem! And what if as a woman you gave up your job to focus on your marriage and your husband is now being very stingy. You have to write epistle, fast for 100 days and kneel to beg him before he gives you odidi 2k for the house, na wahala be that. In marriage, money is a very big deal. If you didn't pay attention to the money habits of your partner before or see if you both are quite on the same page financially, they would be war!

FOREVER LOOKS TOO LONG AT SOME POINT

Oh, I want to spend the rest of my life with him or her. This one, that one.

Married people won't tell us that forever could look too long at some point. When you've been married for just 6 months and you spend the night awake, looking at the other person and asking yourself

Is this how I will live with this person forever? Like FOREVER?????

Most people have this feeling at one point in their married lives. Some have this feeling basically everyday and there is almost nothing they can do about it. This feeling emanates from different things. When one suddenly becomes bored of everything. Marriage is now like a routine and they are already so bored and are kind of wanting out. When the person they married has totally changed. It is until you enter marriage gangan before you realize that everyone was just forming good good just to get the other person. Now, the other person has either relaxed or has changed entirely. Their devil's horns are now very obvious. Another thing is when there is always more disagreements than agreements. Even the Bible asks in Amos 3:3 that can two walk together except they agree? So many couples do not agree on even the slightest things not to talk of big things. Everything they show on social media is fake upon fake.

When so many of these things are happening, you would want to review your wedding vows as forever is taking too long. The result of this brings us to the bonus point.

A Bonus!

THE URGE TO CHEAT IS REALLY STRONG

When the former point cannot be handled maturely, then the urge to cheat would become madly strong. And so many people cannot just handle this urge. Therefore, they would go all out to cheat. Cheating can be really addictive. So once they try it once, it would take God to bring them back to their senses. Some people are jagabans in cheating. Marriage won't change them either. Another thing that could bring about this is the sex. Sex is one of the most important pillars of marriage after money. If you are not on the same page sexually, there would be serious problems and the urge to cheat would only worsen. Also, people tend to get less sexually attracted to their partners as the marriage progresses. This thing called SEE FINISH. What have I not seen in her or him? They therefore want to try something new, something different, something fresher. So when you are wondering how can a man or woman cheat on your favorite celebrity you're dying to be like body-wise, say Beyonce, well, what has Jay-Z not seen? You're only seeing it from the spectacle of a 3rd party but he don see all the curves and freshness finish and wants to taste something different. It is not enough excuse but SEE FINISH is one of the reasons why people cheat.

Another thing that can cause the urge is when a person falls out of love with their partner and perhaps falls in love with someone else. One thing people fail to know is that in life, you would always meet someone better, more beautiful, sexier and 100% more intelligent than your partner, it is then you would have to make yourself understand why you fell in love with them in the first place. The principle of contentment and self discipline comes to play. But when you don't have any of this, the urge to cheat would be stronger than usual. Talking about sex again, there are more deeper problems married people encounter, sex wise. When a Christ Embassy guy gets married to a Deeper Life lady, there might be problems in sex. I remember in one of the women's meetings in camp, a woman wrote to Mummy GO of RCCG reporting her husband that he wants doggy style but she doesn't want it because she feels its not godly. I think the man is even a Pastor sef. Pastor wants Doggy style but Mummy Pastor doesn't want it. Na wahala be that.

There are so many other things married people won't tell us about marriage but FBI agents like us don already know am. Its very important to really know your partner before you decide to say I DO. When they said marriage isn't child's play, flesh and blood didn't just reveal that to them. So tell me, what other thing do you think married people won't tell us that you already know as well as the points above that resonates with you? Let's talk about it.

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2 comments

  1. Woh, u don talk am finish...marriage is work oooo, big work oo, I say work work work. If you don't work it it won't work...but you won't feel the work when you are with the right one...You both will always meet yourselves half way. You see that money part, Jesu Kristi! Women should work for their own money o, its not everything you want that your husband will give you. Woh, i dont want to talk plenty things, what do i know sef, which day did i marry..
    Oloun marriage is very sweet when you are with the right partner. The only thing I would tell all single ladies out there is enjoy ur singleness to the fullest ,achieve that thing you want to achieve , don't let anyone rush you kan kan, after the wedding nobody will ask you how you are fairing again o.
    But Marriage is sweet. Emete do fast

    Lily

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    Replies
    1. Lol. You hit the nail on the head! A supportive and understanding partner is everything.

      By the way, that your last sentence ehn, you might just have to review it. Hahaha

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