By Emete Smart - 13:49

Almost every relationship goes through this phase and it has to be a bad state to be in especially when you're very loyal to a fault. For someone like me who would never cheat on the person I'm with even if Dangote's son proposes to me, it would be a very hard and sad thing if I start to suspect that the person I'm with is now cheating on me. I've been there before and I can clearly tell you its not one state you really want to be in. If you find yourself in this situation, what should you do and what should you not do?



Be calm. Nothing beats being calm. You should be calm because afterall, its just as "suspicion" and not until you confirm, you just have to be calm. I would write a post on what you should do if you eventually find out that the other person is cheating. But for now, be calm. Being calm keeps your brain settled and at rest. This helps you think better and take right decisions.


Tensed? No! Just be calm. Being tensed would be in no way good for your state of mind. You can only do yourself the favor of being calm.



Be observant. At this point, since you're not sure and you can't just jump into conclusion, it pays to be observant. Begin close observation of your partner...their movement (if you're around them), their calls, their attitudes. This would give you an idea of what could be going on. When a person is cheating, they are usually careful of what they do. They cannot make the mistake of leaving their phones anyhow, they pick calls outside or talk in a low voice. Be really observant at this point.


You shouldn't go snooping around their phones, laptops etc. To be frank, checking their phones and gadgets is actually the BEST way to catch them red-handed and know the whole truth. My friend who broke up with her long time boyfriend last year found her evidence on his phone. Its really tempting to go snooping but you shouldn't actually do it. You would be intruding in their privacy. Now, the only time I would advice this is if you are strongly convicted that they are cheating and just want to get over it and be sure, then you can go ahead. If not, especially at the early stages, don't do this.

Jonathan of Glamour.com has this to say concerning snooping around your suspected partner's phone or social media accounts,

"Hacking into someone's accounts is a total violation of privacy. And it's illegal. You need to ask yourself if it's worth possibly losing your relationship as well as a friendship because you did something to him that you know you wouldn't like happening to you. Choose wisely. Besides, if you do find some dirt, you'll still have to disclose how you found it. Also, unless you discover a sexy picture or a "looking forward to another lunchtime quickie" note that is undeniable proof of wrongdoing, there's a high likelihood you're going to misinterpret a conversation and read more into it than it really was. If you confront him over a comment such as "thanks for last night," and it turns out his friend was thanking him for helping her reconcile with her boyfriend, you just lost his trust forever. Not to mention, you now look like an ass. A soon-to-be-single-ass at that."


Monitor them and the person you think they might be cheating with closely. This can be much of a big deal but you really have to do this so you don't just assume. By monitoring, keep an eye on when they decide to meet, talk etc. By doing this, you can deduce important information. You can only do this when you're around them.


Never text or call the person you suspect they might be cheating. Don't try it no matter how much tempted you get. Its strictly between you and your partner. Its your partner that was gullible enough to want to cheat. So, face them not the other person in the picture.



Talk to them. I know FBI partners would see this as the last thing to do but really, this could be the best thing to do. Talk to them about how you feel and ask them about it. A good partner who loves and respects you won't tell you off or write it off as you just being insecure. If they do this, believe you me, something is fishy and if something isn't fishy, then they personally do not respect your feelings which is a red flag. But a sensible partner would pay attention to your every words and try to calm you and assure you that everything is okay. They would try to assure you of their trust and confidence. Even if they are actually cheating or about cheating, that conversation could change everything and they would have a rethink.


You really should not start pointing accusing fingers or shouting at them for any reason at all. This would only worsen the situation and cause calamity. Afterall, its a suspicion. Even if people have been telling you that your partner is cheating, you need to have facts. So, don't start shouting or accusing them. This would only cause more harm than good, trust me and they could even decide to deny it if they are actually cheating.



If you've done any of the above and there is still no concrete evidence of them cheating, then trust your guts. Now, your guts could tell you to still stick around and trust your partner. Trust is of utmost importance in a relationship. Trust him but just be more careful. But if your guts is still pressing on the fact that there is still something fishy, either take a break or better still, call it off. What's the essence of being in a relationship and still feel insecure and not trust the other person? Its a waste of time and resources. Call it off and move on.


When you've still not found anything, you shouldn't now be extra suspicious and start giving the other person attitude. What if its all false? You would be killing a good relationship and friendship. Simply be yourself. And when you find the suspicion to be true? Stick around for my subsequent post on what to do when you actually find out that your partner is truly cheating.

(Image Source - Google)

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